My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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