Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
