I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
