my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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