i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she smelled like a LAN party
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
