Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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