i barfeds in our rink
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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