Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
