I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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