kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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