Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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