i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
