Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
