To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.