i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i dont even know how to be here
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?