He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I CAN MOONWALK!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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