I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.