Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
