Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets