We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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