Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
