I can text with my tongue
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize