I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
