I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
