she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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