well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
