oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
