I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
