Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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