I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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