Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
