Kiss
Puke
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
