sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
