I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
