Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
