ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
