We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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