What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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