She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
