god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
