he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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