Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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