That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize