areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
