Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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