Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize