Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
