If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
