Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?