I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dating After Heartbreak
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...