Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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