Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour