my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.