How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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