someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
