I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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