we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
