Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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