I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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