im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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