My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
