Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
