HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Watching her eat just hurts me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
