I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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