i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
