What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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