I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
