she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
