Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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