I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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