Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
