He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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