At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
