96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
