Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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