I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize