i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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